Finding my place
by Ipec.prernagmail.com
Summary: Arya stark has returned to winterfell but she feels a distance from her home , her siblings . Her time as an assassin has left her with a cold heart , but can the return of her two fav bastard thaw the ice in her veins and help her in finding her place again...?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 - Finding Home

Sitting on the edge of a cobblestone , Arya once again took in the present state of winterfell , all the years of damage and destruction bestowed on the one place she strived so hard to get back to ...her home, all those years yearning for home and now that she was here , it felt loath to admit it felt anything but .

The smell of burnt wood , blood , battle , grief and loss now haunted the walls where once it smelled of family and of love. Maybe she had assumed that everything will return to normal once she got back home , that she will be welcomed with her father's smile and mother's frown , of Robb's easy laugh and Bran's pouts. Even after seeing the gruesome fate her famile met with her own eyes , her mind had somehow seeked refuge from all horrorrs when she thought of Winterfell.

In ways coming back home made her realise that she never really grieved for her lost loved ones the way she should have , had she still been that girl who wore her heart on her sleeve, who loved and lost her family,she was no longer that girl.

Even after reclaiming her name and abandoning the order of the faceless men to become Arya Stark of Winterfell once again , she still felt the cold numbness of a killer where there once ran the fire of a she wolf. Maybe the order took more from her than a few years of service , maybe they took some part her memories, her feelings so even after being back she felt a part of her always missing . Even with Sansa and Bran so close , she felt a distance between them as if there still was a narrow sea seperating them.

But things would have to be a little different with Jon , she had forgotten all her life in westeros , given up on everyone , but not Jon. She could not begin to part with with his memories , his smile , the way he mussed up her hair , his last gift , his last hug ...they were imprinted on her mind and so ever since her return , she had hoped to see his face . Winterfell might be where she lived , but It was Jon who always felt like home , his memory that ignited her need to return even when being someone else and giving up on herself seemed a better idea than to return and face all the pain and loss she had endured this side of the narrow sea. If she could see Jon , and still not feel anything , then surely there was no hope for her , she would forever be the cold hearted killer with ice in her veins and blood on her hands .

"They're guards have spotted their party afar, they should arrive by noon" came a voice so grave and beautiful at the same time that it could only belong to her sister . Sansa , standing tall and looking every bit a lady of house stark in her long grey wool dress and fiery hair running down her shoulders like wildfire . There was no hint of smile on her face , she had grown too cautious and distrusting in their time apart . Where Sansa of the past would have fretted over her dress to greet their guests and impress them with her manners , the Lady Sansa of the present was worried over the guests that Jon will be bringing with him and politics that it would ensue. Arya might not have needed to delve into politics over the years , but she still retained some of the things she learned while serving Lord Tywin Lannister. She was aware a shrewd and cunning mind was more of a weapon than a longsword, and it filled her with pride that her sister had started weilding weapons of her own .

"Is she with them. The Queen?" Arya whispered , she had to know . The rumours regarding the bastard king selling the north to his silver queen were running around like a bad plague. Though Arya knew enough to never take stock of rumours, the smallfolk and the lords needed to respect their new king .

"They are a few women travelling with the party . Though a silver haired rider has been spotted . It could only be her. " Sansa seethed.

Arya just nodded and went to fetch Bran . The Targaryen queen was not her problem , if Jon choose to bend the knee to her , he would have a good reason for doing so. Jon was as honourable as her father , he would never forsake the north for a woman. Honour...that was the reason she only had half her family with her , she only hoped she had seen the last of starks being slaughtered over their could not help them being a little girl but now...she vowed to use her skills on anyone who even dared to threaten the last of her pack.

The party arrived earlier than expected . Maybe Jon was as eager to be home as she was to see her . Arya had been both excited and terrified all morning after receiving the news , she had not felt this much of anything since becoming no one.

She felt the same dread she felt before reaching the twins that day . Of finally reuniting with her family and at the same time wondering if something would go wrong , would he recognise her , would he sense how much she had changed? would he be disgusted? Jon might not know where she had been the past few years but there wasn't much she could ever hide from him.

The first thing she saw was the stark banner flying high and then she saw him . The same long face and brooding eyes , but the beard and his hair were diffrent , he looked like eyes were trained on her as he said something to the queen and then his horse was galloping ahead toward her . Her heart stopped beating and she felt as if her legs had turned to lead. She wanted to run to him , to cry but all she could do was watch as she dismounted a few steps from her and opened his arms . "Arya" ... that one word had never held so much emotion as he said her name with relief , disbeleif and a fondness that could only come from a big brother . It was that one word that washed away all her doubts about being cold and indifferent even to her favourite brother and once again filled her blood with the familiar fire as she ran and leapt up to his arms .

She was still incapable of producing a coherent words what with all the releif and happiness of findly finding her home , yes she had been in Winterfell for a while , but it was in this moment , in his arms that she finally felt coming back to where she belonged . Jon just spinned her around and hugged her so tight she felt the breath being knocked out of her . "I missed you , big brother" she croaked . Jon laughed "and I love you , more than words could possibly describe", wiping away the wetness of her cheeks and planting a kiss on her forhead .

"Jon" Bran said while being wheeled towards them by Sansa. "We need to talk , I have something to tell you " . "Offcourse" Jon said while getting her back to her feet and then hugging Bran fiercely "I cannot beleive you made it out alive from the north of the wall . You must tell me all that you learned . It might help us in the wars to come "

Jon then went over to Sansa and cracked a smile , "I knew there was no one better to take care of winterfell". Sansa just smiled and answered "Welcome back , your grace". Jon gave a slight frown , as if still not used to the title but before Jon could voice what was bothering him. Tyrion interrupted

"My Lord , now that you have had your moment , I think a few introductions are in order." , The imp came forward and bowed to Sansa ."Lady Sansa, It pleases me to see you safe once again in your home and amongst your family . I am here as a hand to queen Denerys , who rode here to help aid your house and your brother in the war against the Night King. In return of her help , your brother has promised the north's fealty to her ". It was a good move on his part to adress the rumours first hand in everyone's presence and also avoid any possibilty of Jon denying swearing alleigance to her , no doubt propmpted by Sansa calling Jon ,your grace . Arya had to marvel at the little man's quick thinking .

He motioned to a pretty girl with curly dark hair who then began reciting a bunch of titles that held no meaning to any northerner and made the queen look like a pompous monarch intersted in reciting her glory when there was a war on the brink and important matters to be discussed.

"Your Grace , we promise you our hospitality and our gratitude and nothing more for now . " Sansa stated defiantly and Arya wondered when exactly she developed such steel in her voice . She expected the worst , a fight , an argument as tension filled the air as the silver haired queen strode forward and met Sansa's gaze.

"That is all I require as of now , Lady Sansa . We have a war to win together , we can worry about allegiance after our victory . I do not expect the northern lords to hand over their freedom to a stranger , I plan on earning their trust. I will have what is mine in the end. " She said in a hushed but confident voice. Arya suspected she was not the kind of queen who had to yell in order to be heard , the quiet authority in her voice belied the soft beautiful exterior she presented. She may have toughened up and become lethal , but the women in front of her now were all warriors , albeit of diffrent kinds .It stuck her in that moment that Westeros was no longer ruled by men, the women had become much skilled players in the Game of thrones.

As they all decided to let the party rest and meet up for the feast , she purposely lagged behind to survey the rest of members of the party. She had felt eyes on her the moment she was free from Jon's embrace but could not satisfy her curosity out of deference to the queen . Her eyes immediately fell on the Hound and hers lips automatically muttred "seven hells " as she studied him , still brash and arrogant as ever . He stood next to a tall man with wild red hair like Sansa but his was wild and untamed , he had a big smirk on his face and was staring intently at a tall woman that could only be Brienne of tarth , afterall there weren't many women who could dwarf an entire riding party . On the opposite side stood an old man with white hair , Sir Davos he had introduced himself standing next to a man whose face was hooded , she was contemplating which side to join for conversation , when Jon appeared and loopped his arms with hers and leading her to the castle "I am not letting you out of my sight again Little Sister . We have a lot of catching up to do ".

As Arya was being led by her brother to the castle , she never saw that the pair of eyes she had felt on her were the very same blue eyes that shone with kindness , and concern , and mirth everytime she was near . The same blue eyes that lighted up while bantering with her , that were huge pools of sadness when he was being carted away from her . The same blue eyes that dreamed of her , that followed her every move since she came to view . The blue eyes she could not see because of a damn hood.


	2. Chapter 2

chapter 2 - An old flame

It was one thing to have Jon nearby , safe and sound , it was completely another to meet his heavy gaze , his eyes taking her in seeing not the woman she had grown into but the fierce young girl he had known . Arya returned his smiles , and tried to evade any questions he might throw at her .But even after her best efforts , she knew Jon had caught on her reluctance to share information . After a while he has stopped asking her questions and just stared long and hard at her , as if willing her to blurt out her secrets as his stare drilled into her brain . "I understand you do not want to discuss what happened to you , but I am here for you whenever you are ready . We may not be the same people we were when we left , but you are still my little sister and Im still your Jon...that has not changed " he finally conceded reminding her exactly why she loved him so much .

They talked about everything other than her past and Arya marvelled at how difficult life had been for her siblings and how each of them came out stronger after having suffered for so long . She knew Jon had a hundred more important things to deal with at the moment and that he needed to rest after a long journey , the fact that he ignored all that in favour of spending all his time with her was endearing but she could see the exhaustion covering his features . "We'll have time to catch up later , I wont want to keep the future queen waiting" she teased. Being trained in how to read faces and being aware of her sorroundings meant that she had caught on to the quick sly glances and inconspicous smiles being exchanged between the duo .

Arya had not formed an opinion of the targareyen queen as of yet , a fact that she would remedy soon enough . If the dragon came to the wolf's den with the intention of lighting it on fire , she would slit its throat before it can cause any damage.

Jon just shook his head and smiled at her . "Just give her a chance , there is more to her than meets the eye . She reminds me of you sometimes , so strong and independent . She isn't Cersei ,She cares about the realm and the people , she wants to help "

"She wants a lot more than just to help Jon but as she said , trust needs to be earned . She has earned yours , she could do it again . I was more intereseted in her dragons. I havent heard of dragons arriving with your party . "

"They're out hunting . Much like our direwolves ,those dragons , they can stray far away but will always have a connection to her . They always come back to her ."

"Not much like our direwolves then" Arya noted sadly . To say that Nymeria's refusal to come with her had hurt was to say the least .

"Nymeria ...Is she?" Jon asked sceptical of finishing the sentence as if Arya would break down at the mention of death . If only he knew she had danced and flirted with death, even worshipped it all these years .

"Not Dead...but she has her own pack . She doesn't need me now."

"Or maybe you don't. She will come back to you when the time comes ,when you need her the most. "

Arya just nodded and left Jon to rest before the feast .

The feast for the King and queen was a grand affair . It was nowhere near the extravagant feasts thrown at the red keep , but the extravagance was attributed to the abundance of fine arbor gold and the enthuthiasm of some of the wildling leaders , particularly the redhead , Tormund Giantsbane , Arya learned as he was quick to share with anyone within hearing distance exactly how he had earned his name .

She had her doubts on the authenticity of the story, but no one could deny that the wildlings were an intersting bunch . Personally Arya loved the freedom and the defiance with which they she had no time to enjoy the wilding stories for she was here with another goal in mind , she wanted to know more about the queen and the threat she copuld pose on her family . Apparently , Sansa had the same goal in mind as she saw her trying to get the pretty girl from Narth enagaged in a conversation , no doubt looking for information about the dragon queen.

Arya just settled to observe the queen and her interactions with others from afar. She could easily learn more about her by observing her from this distance . The queen had an exotic beauty , silver hair and purple eyes , she was beautiful ,no doubt but underneath that beauty ran an intense ambition and entitlement . She interacted with courtesy and respect but as soon as someone would dare question her decisions or her rights , she lost no time in setting them straight. Jon was doing a good job of placating both the northern lords and the queen and keeping up the peace in the table.

Arya was wondering whether the calm demeanour of the queen was all an act when a chair being dragged beside her distracted her . Apparently it was easier to observe people when she was a servant girl in Bravos , not when she was seated at the high table beside kings and queens. Tyrion Lannister had noticed her observation of the queen and decided to grace her with his all knowing presence.

"The elusive Arya Stark, I beleive you are the only stark I never had the pleasure of meeting. Tyrion Lannister , at your service My Lady"

Ha! A lannister at her service ...the only service she would require of a lannister was to maybe summon their whole family so she could finish them all at once . Yes , that would be a fitting end for then , Tyrion was diffrent . He was rumored to have killed Joffrey and Tywin Lannister .Peraps his services could be better utilised.

"Lord Tyrion, You could have had the pleasure of meeting me when you first arrived at Winterfell but as I remember , you were otherwise occupied "

"I had a weakness for visiting certain establishments then , but as I recall you were shunned from the feast for misbehaviour before I could make an appearance . Still, I would love to know how does one escape King's landing on her own and stay out of sight even when my sister deployed entire armies looking for them"

"I suppose the same way a dwarf runs as a kingslayer and a kinslayer and returns as a hand of the queen"

"A kinslayer I might be but a kingslayer , I was not .The little shit deserved to die , too bad it wasn't me , I beleive you would want to kiss the one who did"

"I would have rather done it myself, seen his face as he died " Arya mused.

"Well I would rather see pretty faces then dying ones . Dying is seldom pretty , do you know most people shit themselves when killed "

"Well then its mighty convinient if they are killed in a privy " Arya said hinting to the rumours once again, It was a controversial topic but given that Tyrion was deep in his cups seemed to lower his inhibitions , not that he had many . The Imp did like too much the sound of his own voice.

Tyrion actually smiled , though his smile was filled with sadness "Yes , well I am the monster who killed his father in a privy. But can you accuse one of patricide , if the said patriarch was never really a father to the monster. "

Well that was an intereseting question. She guessed it still did count as patricide but she did not want to be the one consoling a drunk morose Lannister so she deflected the question "Aren't we all..."

"Aren't we all ...what ? kinslayers ?" Tyrion asked , yes too deep in his cups

"Monsters " She gulped her wind in one swift motion and moved away trying to clear out the confusing conversation with the Imp from her mind.

Tyrion had chased the idea of observing the queen in silence away from her so she made her way over to the Hound . The circumstances of their parting had left a lot to be said and though she did not what to say to him , she knew she had to try.

"Clegane ...you're alive " Arya deadpanned

"Thanks to you not having the guts to finish a job" He seethed but his eyes were full of mirth.

"I don't kill without a reason"

"There's always a reason...girl. You had best learn it by now."

"There they are . I told you , you have sad eyes " Tormund chirped interrupting their banter and instantly angering the said sad-eyed man.

"why dont you go find Brienne or the whinger to make eyes at , and leave me and my eyes the fuck alone"

" I wouldnt suggest that Tormund, Brienne is guarding the queen and Sansa, and the whinger ...uhh I mean Gendry here is helping me out with something important " Jon appeared with Gendry at his side .

"Gendry..." Arya could not focus on whatever they spoke of next because her eyes were glued to Gendry . He was the same boy and yet completely different . He was always strong , but he grew even more defined in their time apart . His hair was cropped short but his eyes were just the same as before . Inviting and kind. It was one of those moments where you feel the breath has been knocked out of you and the earth has rumbled from under you . Arya thought she might have stared and stood silent for an eternity when in reality it was just a few moments.

"Arya " The sound of her name shook her out of her reverie . It was Jon and not Gendry who had spoken."How do you know Gendry?"

"We travelled together to the wall ...after your father was murdered. Yoren was taking her home to Winterfell with the night's watch." Gendry supplied , eyes never leaving her .

"We were friends " Arya coudn't help but add . Gendry had made it sound like they were nothing but two people travelling with the same group when they were much and more . They were the reason each of them was alive he protected her , kept her secret , kept her sane and she helped them escape the horrors they endured . Friends doesnt begin to cover what they had been to each other . They were the last ember of a dying fire in a world of pitch darkness.

Arya did not know how to greet him , she wanted to smile and laugh and fight with him like the old times but she could not bring herself to do anything at that instant . They were so many eyes on them , it did not feel right for them to witness their reunion

"I thought you died ... its good to have you back Gendry ". Arya could tell he was disappointed by her reaction , she had more of a reaction for Clegane but it didnt feel right to add anything more when Tormund looked like he had discovered a hidden treasure and Jon had a curious and distrusting look towards Gendry . She turned around to leave the suddenly awkward group when he spoke to her for the first time.

"Its good to see you again ...my lady"

You wont be my family , you'd be my lady. Those words and that memory made her want to turn around and punch and hug him at the same time but she just halted . She had been called a lady a hundred times in the past hour alone and it was only his words that bothered her so .

Arya left the hall wondering whether she would have had the same reaction if it was Hot pie with Jon instead of Gendry . She might have had a closer bond with Gendry but they were both her friends and she did not feel so confused when she had met him at the inn . She would worry about her feeling later , right now she needed to welcome her friend properly.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Gendry POV

The familiar pounding of metal was music to his ears. He could get lost in the music he made with his hammer and forget all about the fucked up world around him. He would often drown in his sorrows and regrets in the forge, a habit that made him such a skilled smith. But as is the norm of all things in life, even his skills as a master smith had a downfall. He was so habitual of his hammer beating down on the anvil to create weapons that he did not need to pay much mind to his task, his hands would move of his own accord, which left his mind to wander ….and wander it did to all that had happened in the past few moons that had turned his life upside down once again.

He had tried to stay alive right under the noses of Lannister and thrown himself into work so as not to draw attention to him but he could not stomach arming the Lannisters when they were the reason he was alone in this world and had no family. They had killed his father, though he wasn't much of a father but it was because of him that Gendry had felt himself more than just a bastard, he was related to one of the mightiest families in Westeros and if it weren't for damned lions, he might have had a dozen half brothers or sisters to call family. Off course that was not the reason he boiled with anger at serving the Lannisters , the reason was a slip of a girl who had offered to be his family , who saved his life time and again , the one who was brutally murdered at the twins along with the rest of her family .

His anger and resentment lead him to blindly follow Davos out of King's Landing, and when he finally came face to face with Jon Snow, it was his resemblance to Arya that made him decide then and there to be honest with him about his parentage and help him anyway he can. It was the least he could do ease his guilt, he was the reason the man was short one sister, He often wondered Arya would have reached Winterfell if the Gold cloaks hadn't come looking for him.

He was prepared to die for Jon Snow's cause if it came to it, but that did not mean he could muster the strength to speak to him about Arya. He had ventured beyond the wall but had not uttered a single word about Arya, no one needed to revisit the ghosts of their pasts when they were literally on the brink of death. He had wondered whether the king knew half his band of men beyond the wall had sheltered his favorite sister at some point.

They were taking their last rest before reaching the gates of Winterfell when she was mentioned by the King himself.

" _Your home …. it's something else" the queen said as she laid eyes on Winterfell from a distance. It was said no one ever forgot their first glance at the winter castle, well they might have said it before the sack of Winterfell since you could see burns and repairs on the buildings that marred the beautiful landscape but no one could deny the place had an ethereal beauty, it was quite and dark like a shadow against the backdrop of an endless expanse of white._

" _My home ….it has been many years. I cannot believe she's here" Jon snow mused looking at his castle but clearly talking about something else …or someone else. When the queen narrowed her eyes, he chuckled without humor "I lived in Winterfell but it was never my home , home was the little girl who told everybody the bastard of Winterfell was her favorite person in the world." Jon Snow smiled with such fondness one would forget his usual brooding stance._

 _Gendry craned his neck so fast he was surprised he hadn't damaged it permanently. He had said she was here or was his mind still foggy from running senseless beyond the wall._

" _What?" Gendry croaked before he could stop himself earning quiet a few curious looks._

" _I had heard they killed the young stark girl at the red wedding " Relief flooded him as Tyrion Lannister had talked over him taking the attention of him._

" _No they didn't. I made damn sure of it. Had to knock her unconscious before she could run to her death trying to reach her brother." The Hound bellowed from where he rode. He must have been listening closely even though he pretended to be uninterested in the chattering monarchs._

" _She was too young to have seen something so horrible."_

 _The hound sniggered "The world is horrible, no one is ever too young to learn that. Your sister never forgot it, helped her survive "_

 _If the King was angered by Clegane's outburst , he didn't show it. Instead, he motioned to get up and commanded them to commence the journey . The sudden end of their well earned rest earned Clegane quite a few expletives and profanities from others But Gendry didn't mind . All that talk had made him remember his own fondness for the high spirited wolf of a girl always barking orders and shouting at him._

Gendry blew out a long sigh as he finished beating the metal and plunged it into the water . Offcourse he would be motioned to the smithy after arriving , what had he expected anyways? He was a nobody , she wouldn't greet him like she had greeted the king , all smiles and tears , hugs and kisses. All he had gotten were words as cold as the north . We were friends , she had said . Gendry had wanted to shout that she was not , she was family , he was a fool to want to run after the brotherhood when all the family he wanted was right there with him. He had realised it the moment they turned their backs on him and sold him to the witch _._

"Boo"

Gendry was lost in his musings that he jumped out of his skin when somebody yelled into his ear. In his surprise he had squealed in such a feminine voice it left him embarrassed and red faced as Arya doubled over laughing.

Gendry feigned anger for a moment but could not bite back his smile, her laugh quickly dissolving his sullen state.

"What did I tell you about insulting people who are bigger than you"

"Would you rather I insult those who are smaller than me "she defended.

" Offcourse not ! There's no one smaller than you my lady" Gendry guffawed

"Jerk!" Arya accused.

"Wildling" Gendry retorted smiling wildly at the familiar banter between them.

"Not much of an insult around these parts. The free folk Follow Jon and helped take Winterfell back."

"The free folk are also bleeding crazy , quick to anger and eager to fight , quite like someone I used to know. If only they could argue as well as you, they could have avoided the war altogether" Gendry continued while nudging her shoulder with the side of his arm as they were sitting side to side.

He was awarded with a smile as she wandered around looking at the looming mass of dragonglass that covered most of the forge. "What is this? I have never seen something like this . Its so..."

"Beautiful" Gendry provided walking up behind her , only he was not sure what he was speaking about at that moment. "Your brother wants me to oversee forging weapons out of dragonglass since I'm the only smith to ever venture north of the wall."

"Why are you helping Jon?" She asked turning around.

Gendry had often wondered it himself why he was so quick to join the suicide mission beyond the wall "I was tired of making weapons for the Lannisters , so I joined Davos without a second thought. At that time, all I wanted was to get away from them. But seeing your brother, how he's fighting not to keep a crown on his head but to protect his people, I knew I made the right choice."

"It's funny, how you never wanted to meet one of my brothers when I asked, yet here you are." Arya said moving away , surprisingly with no malice in her words. She shielded her emotions much better now.

"You were right all along, I was stupid and bull headed . Wanted to discover a family when I already had one" Gendry followed

"Yes , a Baratheon, I heard .I always wondered why the gold cloaks wanted you , makes sense now " Arya said completely misunderstanding who he had meant as family.

"I'm just a bastard, King's blood or not"

"Good , I find that bastards are the best people." Aaand the words made his heart soar and threaten to hammer out his chest.

He thought of Davos and his warnings , he thought of Lem clouting his ears at the brotherhood for the same reason , and in the end he thought ….fuck it .It wasn't their business anyways.

"I would have searched the seven kingdoms had I known you were alive all this time " he croaked as he moved to embrace her but lost his footing as a thunderous quake hit the ground . The sound was deafening and seemed to boom all across Winterfell.

This could not mean anything good, the air was filled with dread and foreboding around them as they made their way to the great hall , but Gendry could not bring himself to succumb to the feeling of doom as he felt her hand creep upto his along the way . At long last , he had his friend back.


End file.
